This day was the kind I already feel nostalgic for. I went exploring by myself, wrote letters to loved ones, and enjoyed the smells of a January summer tease.
The greatest thing she ever said to me was in 1943 after the openingof Oklahoma!, when I suddenly had unexpected, flamboyant success for a work I thought was only fairly good, after years of neglect for work I thought was fine. I was bewildered and worried that my entire scale of values was untrustworthy. I talked to Martha. I remember the conversation well. It was in a Schrafft’s restaurant over a soda. I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly: “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. No artist is pleased. [There is] no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.”
Agnes de Mille, speaking of Martha Graham
Finally watched Never Let Me Go, and was so affected by it, I decided to see what reviewers have said about it. Seems most of them were underwhelmed or at least pretty critical of the film, but they are much more cynical than I am, and I really loved it.
It’s one of the most strange, poignant, thought- and emotion-provoking, heartbreaking films I’ve seen in a while. Whatever idea you have of science fiction—forget it. I highly recommend it, but not if you’re looking for a “feel good” film.
Thoughts:
All my dreams lately are filled with landscapes - unbelievable, impossible landscapes. I’ll be sitting on a ridge with monstrous peaks right in front of me, and when I look beyond that I see Yosemite Valley or the Grand Canyon. Once, I looked out the window and saw Mount Tom - one of the largest mountains in the Sierra Nevada, a trademark of my hometown - just booming so silently right in front of me. It was like an old friend unexpectedly dropped by. As I went outside, a flash flood came rushing toward me, and I held on to a tree stump until it passed. Then, a bear meandered by and hardly so much as sniffed me.
We are listening to this on vinyl while making and drinking cocktails in our very clean apartment. Perfect!
Thoughts:
Summer’s already here, and tomorrow’s probably gonna be fall. Time passes quickly; they say it ‘cause it’s the truth. I’ve always loved summer, and the weather here is now becoming balmy and the sun sticks around most of the time. I like to sleep with the window open. It’s one of my favorite things.
Now the light switch in my room is working again. I connected it to the lamp on my desk, it really doesn’t get much easier than that. Now I can just enter my breezy room (‘cause the window’s still open) flip the switch and get to it. My mama got me a sewing machine, and my couch needs throw pillows. Soon I’ll make my own dresses.
It’s summer and there’s so much to do. It’s hard to catch your breath sometimes when the kaleidoscope of the world pulls you in every direction.
We had a good hike today through Little Lakes Valley. Hiking with my family and being in the mountains where I’m from is the best thing ever. It’s beautiful and refreshing, so much fresh air and the smell of pine is my favorite. There was so much snowfall this year that every creek, stream, and river up here is swelling and abundant (8 inch rise since yesterday!) which makes for a fun challenge when crossing them. Just pure happy when I’m out here :)
Oh yeah! Danny got this for me a few weeks ago. Records are fun. You have to be careful with them, and we don’t let our fingers touch their special parts or else they can be damaged. It sounds so nice, and skipping songs is more of a hassle than just pressing this button » at your leisure, so you’ve really gotta soak in the beautiful thing as a whole and not as unrelated fragments. Two records with four sides let you know when it’s time to flip and carefully set the needle almost at the edge - so you get a little crackle before the song begins.
When we’re done, we tuck them in safely into their little covers and their shiny little cardboard flaps, give ‘em a kiss and say goodnight.
My new favorite place to ride my bike is the Father Junipero Serra trail in Mission Gorge park. It’s only about 6 miles to the end and back to my car, but a few good hills interject the trail and keep my legs working on my single speed Stella. The trail is in good condition for a road bike, and is open only to bikers, runners, and walkers - no cars, which is great for me because I’m scared to death of San Diego drivers when I’m on my bike (and when I’m not).
When I’m missing the Eastern Sierra (I.e. all the time) Mission Gorge is pretty much the closest I can get. There’s sage all around and it smells so wonderful, and I can always hear a creek down the side of the hill. Plus, I found some great spots for rock climbing!
So me and my bike and my arms and my legs are gonna keep climbing hills and rocks all summer long and I’m gonna have to buy new pants because my thighs will no longer fit in the ones I’ve got now.
Today Danny and I went to Guitar Center, and while he tested pedals, I flipped through a book called Whole Lotta Led Zeppelin and found this treasure inside! William S. Burroughs interview with Jimmy page.
You can read it here!
